yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize