I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
