If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Randomize