I hate your face
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
this boner is exhausting
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
