Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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