I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
