just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
