Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
