sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
