fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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