they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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