i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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