Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
