well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
