At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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