Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Randomize
