i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
