So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
