screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
