The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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