Plan B is the new Plan A
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Randomize
