Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
