just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
