We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
All the doctor said was why
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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