Can i not drive my cunt home
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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