My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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