even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He passed out mid-signature
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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