You kept calling me your small dog last night.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
