i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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