i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
50% drunk capacity currently
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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