with your own penis?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Randomize
