can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
