Dual....:-)
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
