It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
