god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
