im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
