i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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