Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
