So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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