i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
