i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
