Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
