I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
