The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
