It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
