I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
