recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize