absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
