I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
