You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
