I cannot find my penis.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
