Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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