I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
