I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
