You don't have asthma, your pregnant
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
