He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
