please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Randomize
