She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
