At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
