And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize