dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
