I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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