M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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