I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
