Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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