every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
where are my pants?
in the oven.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
