After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
