even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
