I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
