Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
