dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
The feeling are messing with the penis
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
