Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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