I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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