my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
