just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
