I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize