That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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