Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
