For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
