I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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