I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
did i just pee glitter
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
