LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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