His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
