so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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