The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
