new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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